i just had sex bonerless
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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