He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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