Can Purell be used as lube?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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