no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
