"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
