you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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