My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
