A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
