Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
