My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
