I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
