I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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