just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
