so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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