OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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