Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
