He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i barfeds in our rink
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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