Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
