I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
