he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
