it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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