I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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