Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
