My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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