Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
