you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
