Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
