you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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