i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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