I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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