remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
