a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
