I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
