you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think your dad took our porno
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry about my life...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
