she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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