I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
