Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
