Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
