I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
