My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
