Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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