I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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