she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
