I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
