Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
