This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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