I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
