my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
