youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
