why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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