I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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